Some days I forget how to breathe. It is all just a whirl of this next, that next, I have to do this before I can do that,... I find myself tight-lipped, tense, not breathing, too many thoughts to think about anything.
In the old days I used to drink to stop the thoughts, just drown them out until sleep took me. To wake up wishing I was dead. To drink again.
It was the sea that helped me. The sea and the hills and the dawn cries of birds. And one bird, this sea bird always returning to my thoughts. It dragged me from my bed at six in the morning. It made me walk a mile in the half-dark. It made me stop before the next drink. If I was going to be addicted, I was going to be addicted to a bird.
And now I take it with me. The hop of a sparrow on the pavement shows me aspects of the sea. The pigeons crowded on the side of a building show me the cliffs. And I relax. I breathe. And I carry on.
This is more important to me when I see the words of the young climate activists. They inspire me. But their force is often their pain. It keeps them awake at night. If they are brave, they share their thoughts online.
Is it like the pain I felt during the cold war? I hope they also find ways to recharge. To breathe in the wonders of nature. And breathe out their vital message. Listen to the Science. Act to heal Planet A.
How do you recharge?
In a song, in the words of a friend, in a sunbeam shining on your cat?
Where do you go to recharge?
Is there a lockdown walk, or run, or cycle ride?
Can you take that peace with you?
Do you have triggers that bring you to that place, that thought?
Who inspires you?
Do they also feel your pain?
This week is mental health awareness week, this year's theme is kindness.
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week
